Trust
by GothicLolitaxo
Summary: Christine Daae is kidnapped the night of graduation by a man who she thought she trusted. If she ever wishes to be free, the two must learn to trust one another. What would you do to regain your freedom? Desperate times call for desperate measures and Christine is very desperate. Can fear turn to love?
1. Chapter 1

It's so strange. It is with the further reflection of the situation, that anyone with two eyes could have foreseen all of the things that were to come as a result. It wasn't even a question. Yet, at the moment I was completely deluded and naïve to what was actually occurring. Blind faith and benefit of the doubt lead people to believe that people are good and that when you are a good person, bad things can never happen to you. I must admit that I have been foolish, up until now. I was always taught to respect people in roles of authority. I had never questioned _him._ In fact, I rather liked him, though he was unorthodox and yelled at me something fierce if something wasn't to his liking. But it made me all the better as a performer. I trusted him. And for that I was wrong.

With a fresh perspective, I believe I can recount the exact moments that should have indicated some kind of danger or wrongness. I was sixteen years old when it all began; I was about to begin my Junior year of High school. I had sung in the school's choir for all of my Middle and High School career, yet I had no real formal training. The choirmaster, Mr. Kahn, _Nadir_ as I have learned favored me and I am sure most of the students knew it but didn't mind it. Well, everyone except Carlotta, she was the only other student in the choir who actually wanted to pursue a career in music. To be fair, she wasn't without talent, but she was mean and entitled and that was enough for people to disregard her.

I remember the day Mr. Kahn introduced me to _him._ I can't blame Mr. Kahn though, his intentions were not to hand me over to a predator, he simply wanted to help me receive the best training. I had no reason to ever fear for my safety or well-being in those initial two-years, but again, there were signs; I just chose to ignore them.

What can I tell you about my first encounter with Erik Destler? Well, without stating the obvious the first thing I should have questioned heavily before I agreed to continue studying with him was the fact that he wears a mask. I, of course, never mistrusted it, I trusted Mr. Kahn's judgment, and I had explained it away to myself. I knew he must have been deformed, whether it was from birth or an accident I wouldn't dare ask. In fact, I was completely respectful about it, which in hindsight might have led Erik to believe that I was different.

He was, well is, also very tall and thin, but athletic and strong. His demeanor seemed cold and distant. I blamed my age and mind frame for ignoring that desire he obviously had for me since day one.

"Erik, this is the young lady that I have told you about," Mr. Kahn's hand was placed respectfully on my upper back as he led me to meet the masked stranger. "Christine Daae, this is Erik Destler. He will be giving you private lessons after school Monday's and Friday's."

Trying my best to not appear to be rude, and find myself just staring at his mask, I extended my hand out to him and giving my hopefully best smile; I said hello. He took my hand in his, I couldn't help but feel some kind of electricity when my much smaller hand was engulfed by his giant one. His fingers were long, excellent for piano playing and his grip was strong. He raised my hand to his lips, barely grazing it. I felt it then, I ignored it. I hated myself for not recognizing this sooner. Soon we were alone and we went right to work.

He was also very no-nonsense in the beginning, we hardly exchanged pleasantries the first few months of lessons. He would often time scold me for being flat or he would throw music to the floor if I missed an entrance. I could never really understand why I stayed on as a devoted pupil. I guess there was something in me that wanted to impress him, to be able to prove him wrong about me. So that there would come a day where I was a successful singer and I could show him that he was wrong about me. That was all the fire I needed to continue to bear his abuse and tantrums. I needed to win.

Other than the yelling, our lessons were not very noteworthy. I would come in, we would warm up and then he would coach me on whatever piece of music he decided for me. It wasn't exactly the most enjoyable process, but that wasn't really the point of these lessons.

I remember the first time we ever really spoke to each other as two people and not him just teaching me to sing. We had moved our lesson to Friday morning during the second semester of my Junior year because I did not have class all day and it didn't make much sense for me to hang around till after school to have a voice lesson. I was one of the only kids in my grade who had a part-time job. I worked as a waitress at the movie theatre in the town over that served food during the show. It was hard on my back having to duck down, in order not to be in people's way to take their order, but I saved my voice from not having to talk to my customers since all they had to do was write their order down on a piece of paper. All in all, it was a great job to have, it meant I could work nights and weekends without it really interfering with school and lessons. Plus, I was able to save money for whatever it was I was going to do after High School. You see after I turned eighteen I would be on my own, God only knew what social services would even do for me once I aged out of the foster care system, so I had to babysit and work throughout my entire High School career. It scared me shitless, I will not lie to you, but that the moment I graduated, I would be left to fend for myself.

The night before was truly the roughest night of my life, well at that time at least. I'm sure almost 17-year-old Christine wishes she never complained about her issues at the time, knowing what horrors were to come. My, at the time, boyfriend turned ex-boyfriend, Jeffrey had picked me up from work and drove me home, it was at that point when he started to complain about my lack of availability. I was always working, always studying, doing a production and list went on and on. I remember feeling like the worst human being in the world. But he didn't get it, he had parents and he was naturally smart and didn't have to work for anything. We got into a huge fight where I finally said to him that we were done. But it was far from done, we were up all night, he refused to leave, he cried and begged me not to leave him. He claimed he was sorry and wouldn't make demands on my time again. It was truly a nightmare, and I was emotionally exhausted. It was maybe four in the morning by the time he left my front porch, and of course, my foster family didn't even notice that I hadn't come in. I could have been dead in the gutter and it probably wouldn't have dawned on them to search for me.

The next day I am in our lesson with less than four hours of sleep, I could barely keep my eyes open, let alone get through very easy exercises. I remember him slamming on the keys, I could tell he was furious for my lack of effort, "Damn it, Christine!" He roared. "You know this!" I couldn't handle his anger in my weakened state. So I just burst into hysterical, exhausting tears. I could feel his whole demeanor shift from angry to compassionate. I had buried my face into my hands, afraid to make eye contact, embarrassed that I was making such a scene. I collapsed into a ball on the floor just sobbing into my hands. I felt his presence, he was so close yet he didn't touch me, "Christine," my name had never sounded so beautiful, as he caressed every syllable saying my name as if it were some song. "What has you so upset?"

Till this day I didn't know why it was so easy to lament the happenings of the previous night, but it was as easy as talking to my best friend about a cute boy. He listened to me, he hung onto every word, taking in all the information. "He finally left at four this morning, I am so exhausted," I concluded.

He was silent and studying me, his silence went on and on. I was all cried out that I ended up hiccupping from lack of oxygen. Out of his pocket he pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to me, "There now, you mustn't cry over someone as insignificant as him." That made me laugh, whether it was actually funny or I had truly lost my grip on reality was left to be determined.

"I just wish someone would understand why I have to do all that I do, and you know, support me." I shook my head, "My friend Meg is always insisting that I have to be dating someone so that she has someone to double date with. But she's lucky her boyfriend also dances in the same company as her. He understands what she is doing and why she's doing it."

I hated to admit how much I envied Meg, she was blonde, skinny, popular and had found the love of her life in Brian. She was the girl that had everything going for her, yet still remained kind. I didn't have a lot of friends in High School, and that was only because I didn't have time to socialize with them.

"You are very wise for your age," Erik reflected, his voice soothing me, and yet he never touched me. "Boys tend to eat up a lot of time. There are many girls who lose themselves over the fanatical insistence of having a boyfriend."

I sniffled and nodded my head, at last someone who put into words how I truly felt about having a boyfriend at this stage in my life. They were like children, needy and wanting a lot of attention, amongst _other_ things. I felt a smile creeping onto my face, I must have looked ridiculous, half-awake and crying like a crazy person on the floor. He extended his hand to me, just barely so that I could get myself up.

"Now, I think it would be the best use of our time for us to cancel today's lesson," I couldn't quite make out his tone, I was not entirely sure if he was angry or displeased with the time being wasted. "I will expect you tomorrow morning for a make-up lesson."

It was from that lesson forward that I finally began to open up to him about my personal life. Little by little he soon knew probably all there was to know about my day to day life. He knew my parents were dead, that I lived with a foster family, that I worked at Alamo Drafthouse, and that Meg Giry was my best friend since Kindergarten. He knew what classes I liked and those that I loathed. Learned all about my favorite musicals, operas, movies, TV shows, and books. I wouldn't harp on this for so long if I didn't think it was important. You see, it was so easy to talk to him about anything and I never thought why, and that was one of my many mistakes.

It never occurred to me he was actually really listening, hanging onto my every word, allowing me to feel so comfortable, he was an adult that I could talk to; I didn't know how much I needed that. What was worse was that he did. He was always plotting and planning, he was listening so intently so that in the future he could use my words, my thoughts and my character against me. I allowed him to do this without even knowing it.

It was the end of Junior year, finals were over and done with and the beginning of summer break was just on the horizon, we had to discuss the game plan for the summer. I had given my job a very open availability, I wanted to work as much as possible to save up more money, what with college applications in the Fall, I needed to afford college somehow.

"Here is my cell phone number," he said at our last lesson. "Please give me a call when your schedule comes out each week and we can schedule your lessons accordingly." He handed me a card with his number on it. It made me smile that he was so old fashioned with his business cards.

That night Brian brought Meg and I to a graduation party one of the Senior boys was throwing. I hadn't been to a lot of parties, just some small gatherings in people's basements nothing major, but this was a real house party. Unfortunately for me, I went to school with a lot of wealthy kids, and that made me feel more like an outcast than anything else. The music was loud and the people were louder, this was not my idea of a good time. They were passing out cups of punch and Brian had grabbed one for each of us. It tasted sweet so I drank it, little did I know that there was a lot of alcohol in those drinks and I began to feel good, like really good. I was laughing and chatting with people. Having the drink in my hand gave me a new found confidence. I didn't know at the time that people called alcohol liquid courage, but it was just that.

It is truly to blame for my confidence and courage to speak to who up until that night I considered the hottest guy in school, Raoul De Chagny. Oh, Raoul, I wish I hadn't gone to that party. He would have never known I existed, well not until it was too late for him to do anything about his feelings for me. He was the biggest regret of my life if I hadn't pursued him maybe things would have turned out differently. Well at least that's what Erik would have me believe, but that's a story for later. At this point in my story, all I knew was that Raoul was actually talking to me and it was everything that I had imagined it would be.

What can I say about Raoul? Aside from being super cute, he was also the brother of the guy whose party this was. By the size of the house and what it contained, it was clear that he was from a wealthy family. He played football, was also an honor student but the best part was that he too performed in the Spring Musicals. He was well-liked, kind and just like Meg had everything going for him.

That summer I saw Raoul a lot, he would always invite Meg, Brian and myself over to swim in his pool, we would barbeque and drink Mike's Hard lemonades and set off fireworks on the nights that I wasn't working. We never really established that we were going steady or anything like that, it just happened naturally. He would hold my hand and give me kisses every now and again. It almost felt like we were playing a game, just two kids playing at being in love. He had been very different from my previous boyfriends, the ones who were needy the ones who wanted to do _things_ I wasn't ready to do. It was like having a new best friend except this friend was one who would hold me and kiss me, for the first time in my life I had felt like I had finally found the perfect person for me.

It was the end of July and I had had a voice lesson with Erik when he called me out on being distracted, "I'm sorry, I just have a lot on my mind." I explained. He asked me to list out the things that were weighing on me, although I thought it was pretty obvious what could be bothering me. "Well, mostly I am worried about college, will I get in? If I get in will I be able to afford it? I am consistently applying for grants and scholarships. It all seems like everything for my future is just around the corner and we haven't even talked about my audition tapes and what I am to sing." I felt like a lunatic rambling on and on about how stressful the next six months were going to be.

I believe I had made him laugh with all of my worries, I remember being quite infuriated that he would take the time to scoff at my real actual life concerns. I know now why that was, but it was just strange then, "You needn't worry about a thing. You make excellent marks and your voice has surpassed all of my expectations." He said plainly. That was always how he spoke, whenever we would talk about anything other than music. Things were either black or they were white with Erik, he didn't ever worry about anything, or so I thought.

I accepted his comment as a compliment, he never really praised me when we began our lessons. The praise would come soon enough, and I would accept it, but with Erik, everything had its price.

Author's note: I am so excited to start this new story. Please let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

It was early August when Meg dropped me off for my voice lesson while she went to pick up Brian and Raoul so when I was done we could all go to the beach for the day. Knowing that I wouldn't have time to go home and change I showed up to my lesson wearing my bikini under my white sundress. The dress was a bit daring, with its spaghetti straps, V-neck line that plunged just enough to show some cleavage. Pretty white lace decorated the top of it, the skirt barely reaching the tops of my knees. It tied in the back, leaving space of my lower back exposed. I normally wouldn't have worn something so revealing in front of a grown man, I might be naïve but I am not entirely stupid, but it was August, I was going to the beach and to be completely honest I wanted to look a little flirty for Raoul.

You see, that whole summer Raoul and I had been flirtatious with one another but we weren't "official". He didn't ask me to be his girlfriend until the following Valentine's Day. It is very important to make the distinction that he was not my boyfriend at the time, but that didn't stop Erik from knowing exactly what was going on.

I walked into the studio to see Erik organizing some music, I think I startled him when I said hello, he took one look at me and dropped everything to the floor. My immediate response was to go to the floor and help him pick everything. I felt his gaze on me, I always knew when he was looking at me. I know I just said I wasn't entirely stupid and I know that men ogle girls when their parts are on display, but it just didn't seem like that was the case with him. It is my own self-diagnosis that I was in utter denial that he was a man with desires, well desires for me anyway.

I handed him the papers that I collected off the floor and he took them from me, not making eye contact before stacking them on the table, "I didn't realize we had a swimming lesson today," he said almost too seriously. I giggled at that. "I finally have a day off so after our lesson Meg, Brian, Raoul and myself are off to the beach for the day."

It was as if the record player skipped and you could hear a pin drop when Raoul's name escaped my lips. The look he gave me made me feel oddly guilty as if I had somehow betrayed him, but that was silly he was my teacher and Raoul was just my friend. I wanted him to be more than a friend but I didn't owe Erik that explanation.

"You have a date?" he asked me in a way that sounded like it was the hardest thing for him to comprehend. I laughed it off, "No, we are all going just as friends."

"But Meg and Brain are dating." It wasn't a question he was asking he was stating a rather obvious fact.

"Yes?" I didn't know where he was going with his line of questioning.

"So it's a double date." He concluded.

"Not really," I shrugged. "Raoul is just a friend of mine. All of us have been hanging out a lot this summer."

"I see." He returned his attention to the piano, leaving me very confused and slightly uncomfortable. He was making me feel like I had done something wrong. "You know; Christine you have been working very hard for your future. I would just hate to watch you throw it away on any _distractions_." He almost sounded paternal in his concerns. They weren't.

"Trust me, my eye is on the prize, Mr. Destler. But I am seventeen and I do need to have fun from time to time."

He nodded his head in reluctant agreement. We didn't discuss it any further and continued with our lesson as usual. The hour had passed and as I was getting ready to end our session Erik grabbed my wrist in desperation. It caught me off guard, the look in his eyes were fearful and sad, "Christine, you know if you are ever in a situation and you need to leave or be picked up you can call me." I was utterly confused by what he meant by his statement. He must have picked up on my confusion and quickly clarified, "I know you are young and want to have fun but sometimes a fun time can turn quickly and I just wanted you to know that I am here for you. Even if you just needed a ride home from work. I worry about your safety."

I believed him to be genuine in his concerns for my safety, "Mr. Destler, I couldn't put you out like that."

His grip tightened, he wasn't hurting me but it was as if he needed me to understand him, "Erik."

"Excuse me?"

"Please, we have been working together for almost a year. You may call me Erik."

The part of my brain that fought so desperately to say that I was uncomfortable calling him by his first name did not win the fight. I felt like I had finally gained some credibility with this man who I so frantically wanted to please. My cheeks raised into tight lip smile, "Ok, Erik," his grip loosened as he seemed to calm down.

"You will call me, should you ever need anything." This wasn't a question either, it was for me to understand.

He finally let go of me and my tensed body could finally relax. Again, I was touched that someone cared about me enough to drop whatever it was they were doing to make my life easier. And at the time I didn't think that it was odd that he was so protective over me. He knew me better than anyone at that time, he knew the constant stress I was in. I hated to always inconvenience Meg for a ride so that I didn't have to pay for public transit and he was offering. But what I didn't really consider was the first part of his offer. He knew way before I did that something bad was going to happen. And it was going to happen that night.

I left the lesson feeling a bit flustered but upon jumping into the car and riding to the beach I put that lesson to the back of my mind and enjoyed the day with my friends. It was around four o'clock when we decided to head back to Raoul's place to hang out and watch a movie. When we got there Raoul's older brother was throwing another party, this time it was the last hoorah before he went off to college. This party was even worse than the graduation party. It was hardly six and everyone was wasted out of their minds. I didn't want to be there. But Meg insisted that we stay and get some free drinks and hang out. She was my ride and I didn't want to make her leave.

I made the mistake of drinking more than I should have, I drank to the point of bravery again and I was talking to all these people I did not know. I didn't even know when I got separated from Meg and Brian. Raoul was also nowhere to be seen. Seeing that I had drunk too much I was in much need to use the bathroom, so in my drunken stupor, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to go use the bathroom that was in the guest room in the basement. Basement isn't really the word for what that expansive bottom floor was. Downstairs they had a full movie theater, a bowling alley and a separate apartment with its own living room, dining room, kitchen, full bath, and laundry. After using the facilities, I could hear voices outside the bathroom. I audibly gulped when I realized who was talking, "But, Raoul I really like you." Said the voice of none other than Carlotta Giudicelli, of course, she was going after the guy I liked. I rolled my eyes at her pathetic whining.

"And I like you too, Carls."

"So what's the problem. You're single, I'm single," her tone was seductive and smooth.

I was holding my breath for dear life, the whole situation was giving me anxiety. I knew I couldn't just open the door on them, they would probably think I was being super creepy hiding and listening to their conversation.

Then it was quiet, suspiciously quiet. I thought it meant that they had left. I opened the door to see Carlotta straddling Raoul's lap. Her lips on his. I wanted to vomit. I stood there just a tiny bit longer than I should have when Raoul finally came up for air and saw me. He didn't get to finish saying my name before I had bolted out of the room and ran upstairs.

Somehow I managed to find my things and I was out of there walking down the street crying hysterically about what just happened. I felt like my heart was broken into a million pieces. I guess it was rather silly of me to have such a huge reaction, he wasn't my boyfriend, he was free to do whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted.

I do not know how long I walked, I didn't really even have a destination in mind. My house was nowhere near walkable and I was only wearing my sundress from earlier. _If you are ever in a situation and you need to leave or be picked up, you can call me._

I called Erik immediately, sobbing into the phone that I needed a ride home. I could barely hold it together telling him where I was and as quick as lightning he showed up in one of the most beautiful cars I had ever seen. It looked way too expensive for someone who taught voice lessons for a living.

I was still sniffling when I entered the passenger's seat, "Do you want to tell me what happened?" his voice was so soothing, but I could not calm down. I shook my head no and we remained silent for a while as he drove around aimlessly with me, "Is there somewhere you would like for me to take you?"

Again I remained silent, I didn't want to go home; I was piss drunk and crying and I didn't need anyone else to see me like this.

"Christine, please talk to me, darling." I just didn't know where to begin, it was as if everything that had ever bothered me in my life was all rising to the surface. I was hurt that I saw the guy I liked kissing my mortal enemy. Of course, she doesn't deal with confidence, she can walk right up to a guy and just kiss him and it's not a big deal. He should want to be with a girl who isn't so passive, someone who isn't killing themselves to support a dream that has very low odds of happening. My self-worth was plummeting.

The car stopped in front of voice studio Erik had been renting over the summer. We were silent for a while, Erik had stopped trying to make me talk about anything, most likely knowing that it wouldn't do any good. I'm not sure why I said it, or what I expected him to say but with nothing to lose I said, "Do you think I'm pretty?"

"What?" he sounded actually offended.

"Do you think that I am a pretty girl?" I demanded of him. I needed to know.

His eyes were searching mine, trying to figure out what it was that I wanted out of this conversation. He looked and looked at me but didn't immediately respond.

"Are you sure this is what you want to ask me?"

I nodded frantically, "Pretty isn't the word I would use." I felt like I could die right then and there. I knew it, I was an ugly duckling and Raul probably saw me as a little sister rather than a woman who he wanted to be involved with romantically. I started to cry again when I felt him take my hand, "You, my dear are absolutely breathtakingly beautiful."

"W-what?" I stuttered stupidly.

"Christine, you are gorgeous. And what's more, it that you are kind and smart. You make people feel good when you are around them. You are a beautiful person, Christine." He took my chin in his hand forcing me to maintain eye contact. He wanted me to understand that he was sincere in his observation of me.

"I am so sorry that anyone or anything could make you doubt yourself like this. So no, Christine you aren't just pretty. You are so much more than that." I launched myself over the counsel that separated us, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face into his shoulder as I continued to cry. I was a hot, drunk, emotional mess and this man was saying the kindest things about me. He rubbed my back, shushing me as I continued to cry, "It's alright, darling."

I gave one last squeeze before returning myself to my side of the car, "I'm sorry, you must think I'm a drunken fool."

He laughed inwardly so that the air escaped through his nostrils, "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

I shook my head and proceeded to tell him anyways, "Honestly, nothing bad really happened. I just have all this pressure on myself and all I want is to be normal and be with my friends and maybe have a boy like me. You know, normal teenager things." I leaned my head back on the headrest. "I have been working all summer, and everyone else I know is on vacation or doing an incredible internship. And this is going to sound so silly, but I just want to finally be like everyone else."

"You do not want to be like everyone else," he scoffed. "They're all miserable sheep."

I had my legs curled up underneath me as I snuggled into the seat facing him, "No, not like that. I just want to be one of those girls where things are done for them. It would be amazing to not have to worry about things like money. I have to study harder than most of the kids in my class because my free time is so limited. If I had time, school work wouldn't be so hard, my time management is incredible, don't get me wrong, but I guess what I am trying to say is that for once I wish things were taken care of for me, not me always doing everything." I must have sounded like a whiny teenage brat, but he nodded his head in agreement.

He drove me home after our lengthy conversation and as I was about to get out of the car he said the oddest thing, "Christine, do you trust me?"

I was taken aback by his question. Of course, I trusted him, I had opened up to him like I hadn't with anyone else, "Absolutely," I sealed my fate.

"Then everything will work out, I promise."

The first half of senior year was a total chaotic blur. I got all of my applications in on time and the money I had saved over the summer went to each and every application fee. I opted to send in video submissions because each of the live auditions was happening on days when I needed to work. I had to pay for school after all. I started spending a lot of time with Raoul who apologized profusely for what I had seen at the party. He claimed that she came onto him and he was not at all interested in dating her. I told him it was fine, and that he didn't owe me an explanation, he was free to do what he wanted. It was then that he made the declaration that he really liked me and didn't want me to think that he wasn't interested. But with college applications of his own, and my busy schedule we began our own routine of old-fashioned dating. It was actually really nice, neither one of us were pressuring the other for time commitments and when we did get together for dinner, or a movie it was just a nice time. He didn't pressure me to do anything aside from holding my hand and the occasional kiss, it was just really nice and sweet in the beginning. I felt like he was truly trying to get to know me, unlike other boys and girls in our grade who were sucking face in the hallways. We kept it low key and I liked it that way, I needed to focus and so did Raoul. He understood the pressure of getting into school, but on a different level. His parents constantly stressed him out about being the best, and even though he made excellent marks, was the captain of the football team and was the leading man in the spring musicals it was apparent that nothing he ever did was good enough. He would lament to me that his brother got away with being a deadbeat who sold pot and was lucky to get into a state school. Raoul was under a lot of pressure to be the better sibling.

It wasn't until right before winter break that I finally noticed how cold Erik was to me, I had simply brushed off his behavior as professional and just trying to get us through this stressful situation. I cannot describe the animosity I felt from Erik when I mentioned that I would be spending Christmas with Raoul and his family, instead of Meg and her mother as I had in the past, "I didn't realize the two of you were so close." I felt immediately uncomfortable.

"Well, we became close over the summer, since we have been back in school we sporadically see each other from time to time." I could tell that my explanation wasn't enough for him, but I didn't feel the need to elaborate.

"So you are dating this young man?" There wasn't a hint of anything in that question. It was as if he was just making conversation so I eased up a bit.

"Casually, I find that I do not have the time to make a real commitment. It's nice, I like the arrangement we have." And I meant it, my relationship with Raoul was easy and fun and I needed that especially now. "Besides, we are both going off to college who even knows if we will get into the same places."

"He has applied to the same places as you?"

"Yes, he wanted to move to New York City too, well its New York or Boston for him. My heart is set on New York."

He sighed heavily, "Do you think this boy will become a distraction to you?"

I didn't think it was curious for him to be asking me this. He was dedicated to helping me become a successful performer, and after all the time and free lessons he gave me, I felt a certain loyalty to him. I owed him the explanation, "It isn't as serious as that. As for applying to the same schools, it was just nice to be able to know someone moving somewhere new. Meg has applied for the same schools as well." I tried to ease the situation by involving Meg, but that didn't seem to do it for him.

"My concern is only for you, Christine. We have worked too hard for you to be putting your social life first. Music must come first."

"But it has, really, Erik you are worried over nothing. I promise." I was a bit hysterical, how could he possibly think that this was not the most important thing to me. "Do you trust me?" I countered his question from months ago.

"I trust you, it is others that I do not trust. They do not have your best interest in mind."

And that was all we would speak on the matter. It was clear what was to be expected of me and I was not going to throw away my shot.

The New Year was not what I was expecting it to be. One after the other I received rejection letter after rejection letter. No school wanted me and I sank into a bit of a depression. I couldn't understand why these schools were not interested in me. I am not the bragging kind but my grades were impeccable, I did have extracurricular activities under my belt, it just didn't make any sense. The Alamo Drafthouse was closing due to black mold growing in the movie theatres so I was out of the job unless I could find my way to their new location that was over an hour away. The time old saying "when it rains it pours" couldn't have held truer for me. I had canceled my voice lessons for about a month, embarrassed to face the man who I have gravely disappointed. I lied and said I was sick all of January, he didn't call me out on my lies though.

Ironically enough my first lesson back with Erik was on Valentine's Day. I could tell Erik was very uncomfortable but what I couldn't tell was why. I had shown up to our lesson in a little black dress with black pumps. The dress clung to my curves and synched into my new waistline, I had lost some weight due to stress and being absolutely miserable for a month.

His eyes scanned my body, he was good at hiding the lust, because to me it was just merely an inspection of how dressed up I was, "That boy is taking you out tonight?" I hated that he never used Raoul's name, and I was in a foul mood already.

"His name is Raoul, and yes he is taking me to dinner." I was over him judging me for doing something that made me happy. Singing wasn't doing it for me anymore and he was lucky that I didn't just quit altogether.

"You are rather testy today." He seemed delighted that I was pissed. Maybe because it was more emotion then I had shown in a while.

"I just don't like having to feel like a criminal for going out with my friend." I shot back. "Not that it matters what I do anymore. No college wants me and I am running out of options."

"You can always apply for next Spring." He stated plainly.

"I do not want to apply for next Spring!" I actually stomped my foot like a child. "I want to graduate and go off to college like everyone else! I cannot afford to live here on my own! I needed those scholarships! Going to school was supposed to get me out of this place! I am going to be alone and homeless!" I was literally screaming and finally, I crumbled down into tears. God, I hate crying but it was so needed.

"Christine," he sang my name better than anyone could. I felt terrible for yelling at him like that, all he had ever done was help me and all I could do was scream at him.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I am just so unhappy. I feel like I've let you down." I whimpered but before he could reassure me, the door opened and a concerned Raoul was standing in the doorway, "What's going on?" he inquired sweetly. "Christine, why are you crying?" he raced over to hug me. Erik's energy stiffened as he saw Raoul embrace me.

"It's nothing, Raoul." I sniffled. "This last month has been hard; I was catching Mr. Destler up on the series of unfortunate events that is my life." I half-joked.

Raoul smiled and rolled his eyes playfully at me, "I am so sorry for being so rude," now addressing Erik, "I'm Raoul, here to pick up this gorgeous girl for some dinner." He extended his hand and surprisingly Erik accepted it. "Hello, Raoul, nice to finally meet you," Nice? "Christine has told me all about you. I understand you are a singer as well."

"I can carry a tune just fine, I suppose." He said running his newly available hand through his hair. "Nothing like what Christine can do." He looked over at me with all the love in the world in his eyes. I blushed at his words, I looked over to Erik trying to see what he thought of Raoul. He could conceal his feelings better than anyone I knew.

"Christine was just about to sing her piece for me," Erik stated, with the undercurrent that Raoul needed to leave in order for us to finish.

"May I listen?" Raoul asked, excitedly. "Only if you don't mind," he said remembering himself.

"I don't mind," I smiled sweetly, knowing full well that Erik wanted him to go.

"Very well," Erik said as he sat back down at the piano. "What would you like to sing?"

I walked up behind him with my binder, "I actually brought something new in for you to hear me do. It's a little different." I said shyly. I did want to try an expand my repertoire beyond just legit soprano stuff. The past month I was listening to a lot of musical theatre songs since they tended to be more fun and it was a good distraction from my failings as a vocal performance major.

He assessed the music, I don't think he really knew what to make of it, "Sorry to interrupt. But I am actually pretty good at sight reading things. I could accompany her so you can truly enjoy it." Raoul said as respectfully as he could. I knew he was trying to be helpful, but I could see Erik about to form a fist. I placed my hand on his shoulder, calming him. "Please, Erik? I think it would be helpful if you could look at me while I sing instead of trying to play the music correctly." That seemed to work and Raoul and Erik traded places and I took my place just in front of the piano, facing Erik I started to sing,

 _When I was a child, my eyes were clear, I saw the good side_

 _That's the kind of second sight that doesn't last too long_

Erik was sitting on the edge of his seat, with his hand clasped together in front of his mouth. Listening intently.

 _But when I was lost, I heard a voice that brought me healing_

 _That's the kind of special hope he brought me with his song_

I held the note as prescribed and began to walk away from the piano, commanding the room and ready to tell the story.

 _People only saw the doctor, lawyer, Indian chief_

 _But he was just a lonely little boy to me_

 _With his sweet and gentle touch, he sure unlocked my soul_

 _So in return, I surely want to help to set him free_

For the first chorus, I sang sweetly, mixing my voice when I could to save the belting for later on in the song. Erik had taught me well.

 _Yeah, now I wanna see him fly, fly_

 _I'll be your alibi, my baby_

 _Fly, fly, fly away_

 _We didn't get to say goodbye, goodbye_

 _No need to tell me why, my baby_

 _Maybe it's because you'll fly back home to me one day_

Ready for the next verse I really found my spots on the back of the wall and delivered my message.

 _Men who they call real were really fakes who left me nothing_

 _But this man they call a fake gave me something real_

 _I've known cruel, cruel men with Christian names who taught me manners_

 _But this man without a name taught me how to feel_

 _They only saw the magic tricks, the smoke, and mirrors_

 _Was I the only one to ever see the boy?_

I surprised even myself with the sound of my belt, but without missing a beat I spoke the next few lines melodically and with all the passion I could muster up.

 _So now they want to clip his precious wings and bring him down_

 _But in his heart and soul's the kind of good they can't destroy_

 _Yeah now I wanna see him fly, fly_

 _I'll be your alibi, my baby_

 _Fly, fly, fly away_

 _We didn't get to say goodbye, goodbye_

 _No need to tell me why, my baby_

 _Maybe it's because you'll fly back home to me one day_

 _Baby, when you're in the clouds, please keep a lookout_

 _Maybe, darling, find a hideaway for you and I, you and I_

I never felt so free singing in this newfound part of my voice, the key change was about to come and I was ready to let Erik have it.

 _And now I wanna see you fly, fly_

 _I'll be your alibi, my baby_

 _Fly, fly, fly away_

 _We didn't get to say goodbye, goodbye_

 _No need to tell me why, my baby_

My voice cracked with emotion as I sang that last line.

 _Maybe it's because you'll fly back home to me one day_

 _Maybe it's because you'll fly back home to me one day_

 _Maybe it's because you'll fly back home to me one day_

 _And I'll be waiting for you there_

 _You'll fly back home to me one day_

The song was over and I was actually nervous to look at Erik. I had no idea if he would like the song, as it was so different from everything we had been working on all this time. I knew I had to look at him eventually, the silence in the room was deafening and I didn't want Raoul to think that we were really weird.

To my surprise I think I saw some tears in Erik's eyes, he was proud of me. My heart couldn't take it, "Did you like it?"

Unable to speak he simply got up and took my hands in his, "Where in the world have you been hiding?" I started to tear up. I just remembered that my soon to be boyfriend was even in the room, "How about you, Raoul?"

"Christine your voice is just stupid." I don't think Erik liked that too much, even though I knew exactly what Raoul meant. Us kids have a lingo all our own and stupid in this case was a very positive adjective. I just laughed at his stunned expression. "I actually had a thought for you, and maybe Mr. Destler could weigh in with his opinion." Both of our attention was transfixed on Raoul, "Instead of the college route, have you ever thought about training through a conservatory? I don't know a lot about them but I am sure New York City must have programs that just offer classes in singing, dancing, and acting. I think that would be a really good idea for you." He said sweetly. I think my heart squeezed in my chest at how thoughtful he was to think of ways to get me not to quit altogether. I looked to Erik to see what he thought about Raoul's suggestion, "I could do a little research and let you know what I think at our next lesson." I was a little disappointed at his lackluster response, "We are over our time together and I am sure you two would like to get to dinner."

After he dismissed us, Raoul could not stop talking on the car ride over to the restaurant about how incredible I was and how amazing it would be if I could come to New York after all. I truly loved Raoul's positivity and optimistic attitude but I was burned before when I was confident in my abilities.

Like I mentioned before that was the night Raoul asked me to be his girlfriend, but what I didn't mention was that he gave a promise ring that I wore on my right hand's ring finger. There was a part of me that agreed with Erik, that there really was no sense in getting involved with a boy, but with all that has happened maybe, I needed to be realistic. Maybe performing wasn't in the cards for me, I knew only one thing and that was by this summer I had to move out of my house. But now being jobless and without any future plans set in stone, I was absolutely desperate to have some kind of stability in my life.

My senior year spring went by way too fast, with Erik's permission I went ahead and auditioned for the conservatory programs in New York, they started a little later in the Fall so I wouldn't get to hear back until close to graduation, which was a little scary but I was becoming confident once more now that I decided to sway from strictly classical and started to explore musical theatre repertoire.

I am ashamed to admit how desperate for money I became, Raoul and Meg never knew but during Spring Break I spoke with Raoul's brother and he got me set up to start dealing weed myself. I know, I know it was super dangerous and I could have gotten into a tremendous amount of trouble if I had gotten caught. But I didn't get caught and I made a lot more money dealing weed than I ever did babysitting. Raoul and Meg both got into NYU and as freshmen were required to stay in the dorms, so I couldn't room with either of them even if I wanted to. No, if I was going to move to New York City I needed money.

I had changed a lot, what with disappointments and stresses I began to party a lot more with my classmates. No one thought it was weird that I was drinking and smoking weed, in fact, they thought I was weirder when I didn't do those things. It seemed like I was getting exactly what I wanted to be just like everyone else. I had less and less meetings with Erik, and I could sense that it bothered him that I wasn't as passionate as I had been when we first met.

My last lesson with Erik was the day before graduation, I wanted to see him one last time before I moved away. The lesson went on like normal, there wasn't even a hint of what he was going to lay on me.

"When do you leave?" he asked solemnly.

"Next week I get to go look at some apartments and hopefully I will be all set to move in on the first." I wasn't trying to show any kind of excitement or anything. I hadn't heard back from the conservatories and I had already made the commitment of going to the city with or without school. I was lost in thought when I thought I heard, "I love you."

"Hmmm?" I mused.

"I said, I love you." Where had that come from? What were we just talking about? My hands started to sweat and I began to giggle nervously, "That's funny, Mr. Destler." I used his last name to remind him where we were, what we were. He wouldn't have it. He put his hand on my arm and made me face him, "Christine, I love you. Please don't go chasing after that boy."

Chasing? Is that what he thought I was doing? Following my boyfriend to New York like some lovesick puppy? Did he not understand that New York was what _he_ wanted from me? I didn't understand why he was doing this. Love me? How could I have missed this? I was frightened and confused, he ruined everything.

"Don't do this to me." Was all I could manage to say. I tried to turn from him but he grabbed my hands and got down on his knees in front of me.

"I am begging you, stay with me," he pleaded, oh god his eyes were so sad. "You can have anything you ever wanted. Please let me take care of you. That's what you want right? To have someone take care of you."

I was stunned. It was what I wanted, but I didn't know it would be like this. I didn't want this.

"Please, Erik you're scaring me. Let me go." I was fighting back tears with all my might.

"I love you, Christine. I always have. Don't you see what I've done for you? I would give you anything you asked for. You would want for nothing."

I couldn't believe this was happening, I couldn't believe he was doing this. How long had he had feelings for me? I thought of every time I wore a low cut shirt or a short skirt, I wanted to vomit I really did. The horrible thing was that I did have a love for him, but as my teacher as someone I trusted. This was the betrayal of the century and I couldn't take one more disappointment.

I broke free and ran out of the room. I locked myself in the girl's bathroom and cried, I cried for us. I cried for all the hopes and the dreams we had. I had confided in this man and he was just using me. I felt so dirty like I had been taken advantage of. I mourned the relationship I thought we had, it killed me to know that it was all one big lie and I was one big joke. I was never really talented, he told me what I wanted to hear so that I would sleep with him no doubt. How could I be so dumb?

I felt some comfort in knowing that I would be out of here come tomorrow, I wouldn't have to see him ever again. Or so I thought.

Authors note: Holy moly that was longer than I expected but I figured we wanted to get into the good stuff. Next chapter we get into it. I am so excited! Thank you for your encouraging reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

It just so happened that graduation day and my birthday fell on the same day. The irony was not lost on me. For most kids it was the happiest day of their teenage existence, but for me it was an anxiety riddled occasion. My foster mom could not wait to be rid of me, not that I wanted to stay there but she was cruel enough to force me out of the house that very day. Thankfully, Meg and her mom were kind enough to let me stay with them till I made my big move to the city.

After the ceremony we went back to Meg's house to get ready for the graduation party Raoul was having at his house. After stripping our graduation gowns, that Meg couldn't wait to be rid of, claiming they did nothing for her figure, we began to reapply our makeup. Meg put on a playlist of some popular music that all sounded the same, but didn't really bother me.

As much as I wanted to forget that last encounter with Erik, I just couldn't. His words haunted me like a bad smell. _I love you, Christine. Please let me take care of you. That's what you want right? To have someone take care of you._

It replayed over and over in my head, the sincerity in his eyes and the desperation in his voice. A part of me felt guilty, this poor man who gave me everything he could and I just took and took and took from him. I couldn't even stay and talk it through with him, I ran away like a scared little girl.

A knock on the door broke me from that train of thought. It was Meg's mom, "Hey Christine, your foster mom dropped off some mail for you." She said with a smile, even though we were all in agreement that she was a total bitch.

"Thank you, Mrs. Giry." I took the letters from her, they were all marked from the different conservatories that I had applied to. This was my last chance.

Peering over, Meg looked at me and the letters back to back, "Well, aren't you going to open them?" she pressed.

Taking a deep breath, I began to unseal them, _well here goes nothing._ Again, I am sorry to inform you that we cannot offer you admission at this time. This line was seriously getting old. I tore up the letters right then and there, leaving Meg wide-eyed and shocked, "I am so sorry, Christine."

"Don't be, I'm the idiot for thinking that I actually had a chance." I was defeated. Once again I am reminded that I am worthless.

"I just don't understand," Meg pondered. "You are seriously one of the most talented people I know. Heck, you're one of the smartest people I know." She went on and on about the injustice that had befallen me yet again. You would think I would be used to this by now; immune to any feeling, but I wasn't, it still hurt more than anything.

All things considered, maybe this all made too much sense. I didn't get into any schools and my former teacher confessed his love for me. It was official; he knew I wasn't good, so he filled my head with fantasies and made me believe I was good enough so that he could get close to me. The idea caused a chill to run up my spine. How could I be so stupid?

"You know, Christine, you don't have to run off to New York. You can stay with me, save more money and really think about what you would like to do." Mrs. Giry offered. I was truly touched that she would offer to let me live with her, but the idea of living in this town post-graduation filled me with shame.

"Thank you, Mrs. Giry. I really appreciate you saying that," I smiled weakly at her. Maybe staying here wasn't such a bad plan after all.

"You don't have to decide right now. I know you wanted to get out of here as soon as possible, but as it is, Meg won't be moving until mid-August. So you two can spend the summer together here and in the meantime you can have more time to consider your move."

This is what I was missing in my life, parental guidance. I never had anyone to tell me that I didn't need to make life or death decisions in a moment's notice.

So we were in agreement, I was to stay with the Giry's until Meg leaves for school, during which time I would have to make a decision of staying or going. I cannot explain what a relief this was for me. I was stressing out about getting my stuff together for this move, having more time was a luxury I couldn't afford without the Giry's generosity.

Her mom left us to get ready for the party, my mood instantly elevated, "Hey Chis, can I borrow that lip gloss you had on earlier?" Meg asked.

"Sure, it's in my purse." I said without thinking. I still had a good amount of weed in my purse, and I hadn't told Meg that I had been dealing.

Wide-eyed and shocked Meg pulled out the bag that contained the plant, "Are you out of your mind?" Meg whispered harshly. "You cannot have this in my house. My mom will literally murder us."

I grabbed the bag out of her hand and shoved it into my purse, I did not want to have this conversation. "Are you going to tell me what you're doing with that amount of shit?"

"Well, what do you think I am doing?" I shot back at her, to her surprise and mine. "I needed the money, Meg. Up until now I had nowhere to go and I needed to afford rent somehow."

"I wish you told me about this. We don't keep secrets from each other, Christine." She was obviously hurt, and of course that wasn't my intention.

"Look, I have hardly been at it for two months. I was going to get rid of that at the party tonight. I won't refill my supply, if that will make you happy." I wasn't lying, I had planned on stopping. I couldn't handle being a real life drug dealer in the city, there was way more competition there than in this small town.

"Alright, I'll forget this whole thing," I felt an if coming on. "If you give me some shit for free." It was then that we burst into hideous cackling laughter. I agreed to her conditions of course, that's what friends are for right?

"You know, Christine," Meg continued as she straightened her hair. "Not to keep bringing it up, but I am literally shocked that you are able to keep secrets from me." I wish she would stop bringing it up because I was keeping secrets from her.

I hadn't told a soul about what happened between myself and Erik. My biggest mistake in all of this was never telling anyone that my teacher had tried to make a pass at me. Well I guess it wasn't really a pass was it? He told me he loved me and that he would do anything for me. Every girl in her right mind would love to hear a man say those things to her, and yet it was coming from someone who I had never dreamed it would come from. I had felt lied too, betrayed even. All this time he was attracted to me and whether I wanted to admit it or not I had unknowingly led him to believe that there was some kind of hope for him.

I think that was what made me not tell anyone. I didn't need anyone asking me what I had done. It would be instantly spun into all the things I had done to lead him on, forgetting that I was the child in the situation and he was the adult. I felt guilty for allowing him to become so close to me. He was my teacher, my confidant and he was supposed to be my friend. What a fool I was to believe that this man was anything other than just a man who had desires, who saw me as a beautiful woman. I felt myself swaying from being so angry with him to feeling so sorry that my kindness towards him had meant for him that I had feelings for him. It had meant that no one had shown him kindness to know the difference between someone just being nice and someone showing romantic interest.

It was plausible that this had a lot to do with his need to wear a mask. I had finally concluded that he must be deformed, and that it must be really bad. I hated that I felt like the bad guy in the situation. Damn my compassion. I had to put him from my mind. No matter what I decided, seeing him again wouldn't be in the cards.

When we got to Raoul's house the party was already in full swing. We did arrive fashionably late, and had planned to stay the night. Meg's mother dropped us off so that there would no consideration of drinking and driving.

After setting our stuff down in the guest bedroom, we went into the kitchen, my bag glued to my side as we received our first cup of punch that was mixed with whatever mystery alcohol. It was sweet and didn't taste like alcohol, which meant that there was probably a ton of it in there. Raoul was outside by the grill making burgers for everyone. He already had a beer in his hand and I could only imagine it wasn't his first, for when he saw me he made a very dramatic display of affection towards me, "Hey gorgeous! Happy Birthday!" he squeezed me tight to him.

"Thanks baby," I said, half-hearted. I was still in a weird mood from all these thoughts of Erik, it was hard to be carefree and happy. Raoul didn't seem to notice the distance.

"I should be at this for at least another hour," he informed me. "Why don't you and Meg set up the beer pong tables in the basement? You're my partner tonight, babe."

It was hard for me not to laugh at how ridiculous Raoul was when he was buzzed. He was so in his element, he had a great knack for entertaining and showing people a good time. I just wished I wasn't in such a weird place. I was determined to enjoy this night, so I chugged the remainder of my drink, which delighted Raoul.

I went to walk away, but not without a nice smack in the ass from Raoul. I shook my head at his playfulness. Meg and I began to set up the tables and cups in the basement. Deciding that it would be cleaner and more sanitary to fill the cups with water instead of beer, we made sure that the cups were filled evenly. The fridge in the game room was fully stocked with beer, so the players could easily obtain them. I was rather proud of my display.

We went back upstairs to retrieve some food, which may have been the only smart thing I did that night. Meg and I made our way over to the fire pit to sit and eat, it was there we found the kids who were smoking. Bingo. I had made the offer of selling them the various strains that I was carrying on my person. And since I was done with the whole wretched business, I gave them a pretty good deal on what I had left. In addition to the psychical plant I had obtained weed in oil form that you could vape. I really didn't sell them, since it was a whole to-do, but I liked them for myself since the vaping was easier on my voice and it didn't have any smell.

I felt Meg pulling on my arm, it was quite annoying actually. Little did I know that she was trying to get my attention. I shoved her a little to get her to stop when I finally looked up to see what she was trying to warn me of. Raoul's face looked at me, pale and devoid of emotion. I looked down to see that I was holding a considerable amount of weed, not an amount that would be plausible for me to be buying.

The boy who was buying from me was getting restless and took the bad out of my hands and replaced it with money. It was confirmed for Raoul right then and there. I was a drug dealer and he didn't look too pleased. He turned his back on me and began to walk away. I looked back over at Meg who tried to plead with me, she had tried to warn me of his presence but it was too late, he had seen.

I ran to catch up with him, "Raoul," I started but he spun around and looked at me seriously.

"I don't want to discuss it, Christine." He was so upset with me. "It's your birthday, and I don't want to fight with you." He exhaled all of his anger in one breath. He extended his hand to me, "Let's go play beer pong, you're my partner, remember?" I was thankful for the pass, I didn't need him to reign down on me, especially after how low I felt.

We went to the basement and proceeded to play beer pong with several different teams, each time we won, which seemed to make Raoul happy with me. The whole situation was like an elephant in the room that neither one us wanted to acknowledge. But as the night progressed and after winning the game about six times we were getting pretty drunk. I needed a break, so I went up to the guest room and checked my phone for the first time in the night, I had several text messages from kids who were at the party asking if I had any more bud on me. I stuck between a rock and a hard place, I needed the money but I also needed my boyfriend not to be pissed at me.

Before I could respond to the text, Raoul showed up in the doorway, he was swaying on his feet, "Hey pretty," He slurred. Now to be fair, I hadn't drank as much as he did and it was pretty obvious he had been drinking to stop being pissed at me.

I tried to move pas him when he grabbed my phone, "Raoul, give it back!" I warned him. He looked down to the screen to see the correspondence, and he chucked the phone back at me.

"Why are you doing this?" He demanded. There was something in his whole demeanor that rubbed me the wrong way. He was acting self-righteous and smug, as if he wasn't the reason I began drinking and smoking in the first place.

"Because I needed the money, not all of us have a trust fund," I spat in his face, he was clearly caught off guard, but I wasn't in the mood.

"If you were so desperate for money, you could have asked," he offered, trying to diffuse the anger he started.

"I don't want your charity, Raoul!" Now I was pissed. "I don't need your parents thinking that I am just with you for your money."

"No, you would rather them think that you're some drug dealing loser like my brother." I know now that he didn't mean it the way he said it. But in that moment I took it hard.

"Fuck you, Raoul! You have no idea what it's like to be me. To have nothing, no future, no family, no money no nothing!" I tried to storm past him but he grabbed me by the shoulders.

I didn't want him to touch me, so I fought against him to not hold onto me. He seemed truly shocked that I was becoming physical.

He began to tear up, "I'm sorry, Christine. This isn't what I wanted." He confessed.

I just stared at him in confusion, he was drunk and getting weird and emotional.

"Yeah, well, me either," I crossed my arms in front of me. "Look, I don't expect you to understand or like anything I have been doing, but I need to think of me and my future. New York isn't going to pay for itself." He attempted to push a stray hair out of my face, but my hand knocked his aside. He looked extremely pained, but I couldn't care about his feelings. He had gotten me to a point of angry that I couldn't quite come down from. I resented him for his life; he had no idea what it was like to be in my position.

"Let's forget it," he tried again to touch me, this time I allowed it, unable to fight. "I didn't come up here to fight with you. In fact," he said as his hands wandered down my arms and finally to rest on my hips, holding me in place. "I wanted to tell you how much I am in love with you." He leaned down to kiss me, the fluidity of his movement indicated that there was some kind of raw passion behind it. He wanted to have sex with me. If I wasn't pissed off before I most certainly was now.

"Ugh," I growled and pushed him away from me. "Really, Raoul? You just expect me to drop my panties cause you tell me you love me?" I was utterly disgusted with him.

"But, I do love you," he pleaded.

"You're drunk, Raoul." I snapped, again he looked so wounded. "This isn't romantic at all. I am going downstairs to try to enjoy the remainder of my birthday." I pushed past him and went downstairs to the kitchen. I needed a drink, or ten.

Meg had found me, alone with my drink, she was alone herself, "There you are, had to send Brian to play for you, I think they switched to flip cup." She laughed.

"I want to go home," I murmured into my cup.

"What? Why?"

"Raoul and I got into a big fight," I admitted, not looking her in the eyes.

"Well, can you blame him for being angry with you? You have been lying to everyone for the past few months." I couldn't honestly believe that she was berating me at my lowest. She is supposed to be my friend and there she was defending Raoul, well she was also defending herself and using Raoul to extract her point.

"You had no problem taking some of this shit off my hands," I hardly recognized my own voice, the venom it was producing was exciting. "You all called me "pristine Christine" because I never stepped one toe at of line. After all the pressure to party and get fucked up you're going to judge me for trying to make a quick buck? Some friends you guys are."

I think I made her cry, and in that moment, like the one I had with Raoul, I just couldn't care. I felt under attack and my only response was to protect myself.

"You know. Christine, you're being a lousy friend. Just because you're hurt doesn't give you the right to go ahead and hurt other people. Misery loves company and I don't want you to drag me down with you."

"Great, thank your mother for me," I was fuming. "But I won't need her charity. I have all this money now, maybe I will just go backpacking in Europe. Running off to New York to stay relevant to you and Raoul was a such a joke."

She stood, towering over me, with her hands on her hips she exhaled, insulted by my words, "You don't have to do this." She said, trying to keep from crying. "I know that you're angry at the world. But believe it or not there are people who care about you. Raoul and myself included."

"Yeah, well Raoul cares about me so much that he gets piss drunk on my birthday and expects me to have sex with him cause he said three words that don't mean shit." She gasped and put her hand to her mouth.

"Are you okay?" she moved to comfort me but I closed myself off to her. "This is how you want to be? Fine." She began to retreat out of the room, but not without one final remark, "You know, Christine. Keep this shit up and you will be all alone and only have yourself to blame." And with that she left me alone. In hindsight she was right, but I was just so angry in that moment. I felt like no one understood my position at all, and the thing of it is, they didn't. They had loving families who supported and loved them, they had a future to look forward too and they most certainly never had to financially support themselves. They got to live carefree and be like normal kids. It was true what I said, they had pressured me time and time again to cut lose and drink and smoke, but apparently trying to make some money off the things my peers enjoyed was a huge no-no. It wasn't like I was selling blowjobs in the bathroom.

I wanted to leave, but that wasn't really an option. Meg was right, I had successfully pushed everyone away from me. The saddest part of it all was that I actually considered calling Erik, but then I would have to deal with that mess I left.

I grabbed the vape pen out of my purse, I had acquired a healthy supply of these THC cartridges that were honestly pretty hard to sell. It worked out for me since vaping was a lot easier on the voice then smoking was. I took a hit and immediately relaxed, my body seemed to melt into the stool I was sitting on. It didn't take long for the THC and alcohol to mix in my blood stream to give me that ultimate relief of next level intoxication. I was on another planet, I had literally no idea how long I had been sitting in the kitchen and there wasn't a soul in sight. They must have all been in the basement, from where I was sitting it didn't seem like anyone was outside anymore.

I wobbled a great deal getting my feet on the floor and stumbling into things trying to make my way to find people, I owed Raoul and Meg a huge apology. It really wasn't their fault for being concerned about my life choices, and as much as I can defend myself to the grave it really wasn't any use. I wasn't going to deal anymore and therefore none of this was going to be an issue moving forward. Inwardly I was entirely cerebral and thinking and thinking but outwardly I am sure I looked like a hot mess.

I checked my phone to see a ton of missed calls from Raoul, which struck me as odd since I was sitting in the kitchen the entire night, did he not think to look for me there? I decided to call him back. I must have blacked out because I don't remember how the phone call went and how I found myself outside in the backyard all the way beyond the pool and towards the woods.

It began to make sense when I saw a tall figure standing on the edge of the woods, his back to me. Raoul must have asked to meet me here.

"You called." He said coldly, why was he being so mean?

"Baby, please," I slurred and swayed, my arms reaching out to embrace him and to keep myself up. "I don't want to fight anymore." I squeezed him tight, I felt his entire body relax in my embrace. "I thought about what you said and I love you too. I am ready to love you."

That was all I could remember before I completely blacked out.


	4. Chapter 4

Something had awoken in me that both titillated and scared me. I had finally dared to say the words that, until now, meant something entirely different. _I love you, I want you, I love you, I want you, I love you._ My lips curled into a smile as I lay in bed and thought of the implications of my words from last night. _I am ready to love you._ I felt so deviously wicked to be thinking about having sex. The thought hadn't occurred to me until I saw him there, bathed in moonlight; I had never wanted something or someone with such intense desire. My body physically ached for him.

Embarrassment had abandoned me long ago and I was left feeling unsatisfied. It was clear I had spent the night alone, which was probably for the best. Not for nothing, but to lose my virginity, drunk as a skunk in a house filled with my classmates, probably wasn't the most romantic of ways to go about it. No, this would be so much better. A full day of nothing to do and nowhere to be but in his arms. It seems unusual that not even twelve-hours ago I was pushing him off of me and the thought of sex with him was so unappealing. But now it was all that consumed my thoughts. I dreamt so many erotic things that made me question how my mind could have imagined them.

I felt so sleepy, I didn't want to open my eyes, even when I heard the door open and foot-steps were emerging so close to my bed. I smiled into my pillow, _finally_ I thought as I tapped the space on the bed next to me. I soon felt his weight on the bed, and as soon as he was close I pulled on his sleeve dragging him closer to me. My body fit so well against him, my head resting on his chest, his arm wrapping around my waist as I slung my leg over his possessively, as if to say _you aren't going anywhere_. I heard him softly laugh at the scene I was making, the sound was deeper and more musical than what I would expect from Raoul. I didn't think too much about it, most men's voices were deeper in the morning, especially after a night of partying. I nuzzled my face into his chest, taking in his scent. That too was also different, no offense to Raoul but usually he smelt like cheap Axe cologne, but this smell was soft and light, it was like a day at the beach, citrus and sandalwood. This definitely was a welcomed change. I felt him squeeze me closer, his hands felt larger and stronger than they had when he would normally hold my waist, but that was always in a public setting, perhaps he was more comfortable in private with touching me. Whatever the reason for all these changes, honestly didn't matter. I had him right where I wanted him, but since I had absolutely no idea how to seduce a man, we would be learning how to do this together. My left hand was just resting on the other side of his chest, I began to trace my fingers into shapes on his chest.

We lay there on the bed, content for what seemed like forever, it was truly bliss being in his arms, "Do we have to get up?" I whined. I felt him brush the hair out of my face, my eyes were still slammed shut, feeling the sun streaming on my face, it's rays beaming in from the window.

"We can do anything you want, darling," _That voice._ My eyes shot open so that I was staring straight ahead. The illusion was shattered and two things were clear: we were not in the guest room at Raoul's house and that voice did not belong to Raoul. _Oh, fuck,_ I thought to myself, this cannot be happening.

I didn't even need to look at him to know who it was. In one fluid motion I managed to kick off the blankets while simultaneously rolling out of the bed and onto my feet. I tried to run to the door, but he was faster than I was and beat me there. I began to panic as I stood face to face with Erik Destler. He tried to touch me and I went into a rage, "Don't you fucking touch me!" I pushed him, he barely even flinched at my aggression. "You had no right to take me! Let me go!" my hands had balled up into fists and without thinking about it I began to beat his chest with them. The blows did nothing but make him laugh at me, which only frustrated me more. He let me hit him several more times before he grabbed my wrists, restraining me, "Calm down, Christine," his voice soothing me against my better judgment. "You are accomplishing nothing other than wasting your energy and hurting your voice."

I pulled my hands back, despite the pain it caused me, "Just let me go and we can forget all of this," I said rubbing my wrists.

"I am afraid we have things to discuss, my darling." I didn't meet his gaze, I didn't even really want to acknowledge his presence, "I will give you some time to collect yourself." He turned to leave but not without one smart-ass remark, "I had truly hoped you had meant what you said last night." I hated that my confession of love for Raoul wasted on Erik. "No matter," He added before leaving the room entirely, locking the door behind him, I was alone at last.

I threw myself down on the bed and began to cry, I was so frustrated and angry, I just couldn't believe that any of this was happening. All of these thoughts kept flooding into my mind, I just kept thinking about how I hadn't apologized to Meg and that I hadn't made up with Raoul. They probably thought I ran away after everything that happened. I bashed my head into the pillow repeatedly, cursing myself for getting so shitfaced that I couldn't differentiate between Raoul and Erik. They didn't even look alike! Did that mean that I called Erik last night and not Raoul? That couldn't be possible, I hit the redial button; I hated that I couldn't even double check my phone because I couldn't find my phone.

Of course! I probably left my phone at Raoul's house, which would be amazing, he will find it and call the police immediately. But they wouldn't possibly think to find me here, wherever here was. I lifted my face out of the pillows and began to examine my surroundings. Who knew when Erik would come back, might as well take inventory. I took the hair tie off my wrist and piled my hair on top of my head making the messiest of buns.

The room was stunning; I'll give him that. The whole wall opposite of the bed was made-up of floor-to-ceiling, cathedral style windows, each of them adorned with ornate and heavy drapes that were all pulled back to let in all of the natural light. From the windows I could make out most of the property. The lawns were well manicured, the gardens in full bloom, there was a sizeable swimming-pool, it's crystal blue water shining and inviting. The property seemed to go on and on forever which to my dismay meant we were in the middle of nowhere. I turned around to look at the bed I had slept on the night before, the king-sized four-poster bed looked very inviting with its abundance of pillows and dusty rose colored duvet and sheets. It truly had been one of the better sleeps of my life.

I blushed crimson at the thought of having sex dreams in Erik's bed, but he didn't need to know about that. The sicko would probably be delighted. I groaned audibly at the fact that I had even touched him. I had to remind myself that he tricked me and that it was for Raoul; if I had known it was him I would have never ever touched him let alone allowed him in my bed.

I needed to wash myself, I felt so dirty. Luckily, there was a bathroom attached to the suite. And when I say bathroom, I mean a mini spa.

I was in a state of shock that surpassed the other state of shock I was previously in. Not only was it ginormous, but the amenities were first class. The bathroom was equipped with a separate soaking tub, Jacuzzi jets included, a shower stall, which technically was more of a walk-in closet size shower. How can I begin to describe the shower? It was like being transported to a grotto, various stones made up the floor and walls. There were several potted plants as well as vines growing up the stones. On the wall, closest to the entrance was a control panel; various icons that indicated different functions such as steam, water control, what shower heads I wanted to use (because of course one shower head wouldn't be sufficient). Had I not been so royally pissed off, I might have let my admiration go wild, so instead I stripped off the clothes I had worn the night before, and located the linen closet that supplied me with the world's softest towels, I was ready to test out my new oasis.

I had never felt more vulnerable standing in the middle of that room, being sprayed by multiple shower heads in various directions. The steam from the shower awakened the eucalyptus plants, so that their essence filled the room. This had to have been the most luxurious bathing experiences I had ever come into contact with.

Something, that I had found to be odd was that nothing in the bathroom had any labels, everything had been transferred from its original packaging to their own custom containers and the like with very tiny writing indicating what each thing was. I picked up the glass bottles that held the shampoo and conditioner and I held them to my nose. Roses, everything smelled of roses. And as much as I wanted to stay in that shower forever, I didn't know when Erik would be coming back and seeing that he was able to come and go as he pleased there would be nothing preventing him from coming into my bathroom.

Wrapped in a towel I exited the shower and began to examine myself in the vanity mirror. What on Earth could this man find so lovable about me? From where I was standing there was nothing particularly alluring. And what was his end game in all of this? Was he going to let me go once he realized that this had all been one drunken mistake? So many questions and yet I remained answerless until Erik would see fit to give me any.

I rummaged through the drawers to find, like in the shower different face and body items without any labels on them, just little pots and containers stating moisturizer, toner, rose-hip oil, _eat me, drink me,_ I thought to myself and laughed, I was truly down the rabbit hole.

I did have to admit that all the products that I tried where obviously higher-end and of amazing quality. I had gone through many hair products in my time to keep my curls from looking like a rat's nest and yet here I was styling my hair with ease. Note to self: ask Erik where I can buy these things.

Once I was done styling my hair and effectively making my skin glow I located the drawer that held my intimates and pajamas. Everything was either satin or lace or a combination of both. Now the real question was how could he possibly know my bra-size, on second thought, I didn't want to know. Rolling my eyes, I selected the plainest of the collection and found myself a plush robe to cover myself as I exited the bathroom to find some clothes.

Just when I was beginning to think the bathroom was a sight to behold; I found myself in my own personal mall that served as my closet. All three walls were covered from top to bottom with drawers and hanging areas containing every article of clothing a person could fathom, including accessories, and although the bathroom was label-less, the closet was only labels. Chanel, Givenchy, Hermès, Ralph Lauren, Gucci, Louis Vuitton and list goes on and on. I had an entire wall dedicated to shoes and handbags; I literally thought I was going to faint, until I opened the drawers that held the crowned jewels. I never slammed a drawer so fast upon the reveal of the jewelry. There must have been hundreds of thousands of dollars in that drawer. I wanted to vomit.

I found myself lounging on the divan that was conveniently placed in the closet, for you know when I become exhausted trying on clothes or nearly shitting myself at the idea that all this stuff was meant for me, whichever comes first. In this case it was the latter, which left me in a state of confusion that I could hardly ever imagine feeling since the shock of having Erik in my bed this morning didn't entirely go away. I audibly groaned; why was this happening to me? On one hand I was the luckiest girl in the world; between this room and its offerings plus having someone who claims to love me and wants to take care of me, it sounded like a dream come true. But on the very real and valid hand, this same person after two-years of hiding behind the guise of a voice teacher had filled my head with false hopes of becoming a famous singer in order to get close to me in what I would only assume to get me to abandon all of those dreams to be his girlfriend, which upon thinking about it sounded entirely ridiculous.

I felt a laugh begin to build in the pit of my stomach until my stomach was physically shaking and my ears were ringing from my own maniacal laugher. It had finally dawned on me; I was getting exactly what I wished for. I had longed for this my whole life, prayed night after night to be whisked away from my former life, to be able to focus on myself for once instead of a thousand different things. I had nowhere to go short of Meg's mother's house and even then, I was only changing the scenery and not the situation.

Had I finally lost my mind? Am I to live in this house for the remainder of my life like Erik's living doll, dressing me up, playing with me, and making me sing only for him? Honestly, it didn't sound like the worst idea. I really have nothing going for me, and up until he freaked me out, I liked him just fine. Jesus, what am I thinking? I'll tell you what I am thinking, I am thinking I am an orphan with limited funds and nowhere to go. I surrender, Erik, I am waving the white flag.

I thought back to a couple of months ago when I had no choice but to ask Erik to pick me up from work. Both Raoul and Meg were unable to help me and I felt awful for having to ask him to drive me home, but the bus stopped running at eleven and I didn't get out till well after midnight. I remember shaking when I asked him after our voice lesson, I hated to put him out since he was already teaching me for free, "Of course, I will pick you up," he said waving his hand as if to swat away my concern.

"Are you sure? I can ask if I can be released early and I can just take the bus," the guilt was weighing heavily on me.

"I am not exactly crazy about you taking the bus so late at night. It really is no trouble, Christine. I would like to see you safe." And that was that.

Later that evening just as the last movie was about to end and I was preparing to drop off the bills a very intoxicated patron had smacked me, hard on the ass. I felt tears begin to well in my eyes. I was humiliated and I couldn't do anything about it but push past him and continue on with my job. I tried to hide until everyone had left the theatre and I could collect the money and cash out without incident. I had been wrong, very wrong indeed. He was waiting for me, drunk as ever slurring at me and trying to touch me. Without a manager in sight I was left to the mercy of this over-sized and inebriated man.

It all happened in a matter of seconds, way too quickly for me to react, all of the sudden that man was pinned up against the wall and I was being ordered to wait outside. It took me a minute to realize that it was Erik who had come to my aid. I did as I was told and began to make my way out of the door when I turned around to see if what had just happened was real. It was real and Erik was physically dragging this man by his collar back to where the manager's office was. I was relieved that he didn't kill that man right then and there. There was something about him that made it clear to me that he was perfectly capable, but refrained for whatever reason.

As soon as I snapped back to reality, the police had arrived and I was sitting with Erik, his arm around my shoulder as I physically shook while answering what questions I could.

I suppose my answers were satisfactory and they had already taken Erik's statement so we were free to leave. I remember him being so gentle with me, as if I were made of glass and any wrong maneuver would cause me to break entirely. I don't really know what was more traumatizing to me, the fact that this man wanted to hurt me or that Erik was much more capable of causing harm than that man could ever hope.

We sat in his car in the parking lot till we were the last ones, Erik hadn't gotten into the car instead he knelt at my feet from outside my car door, my own legs still dangling outside the vehicle, my body facing outward. I didn't notice when he took ahold of my hands, nor did I care, it felt nice for him to hold onto me, "Christine, please talk to me." He massaged the tops of my hands with his thumbs.

I felt incredibly embarrassed that I couldn't form words without a sob emerging from the back of my throat. I couldn't stop my trembling, even if he squeezed me as tight as he could, "You are so scared." It was a statement that didn't warrant an answer. He kept his eyes on my hands, "Is it me?"

That's what finally broke me. It wasn't that I was afraid of Erik, more than I was afraid for him, I didn't want him to get in trouble over me, I didn't want him to go to jail for murdering a man on my account. I had never really experienced that kind of fear. I just didn't want him to leave me. My body lunged forward and my arms were around his neck, my tears soaking his shirt. He lifted me up off of the seat as if I weighed nothing. He settled down where I originally sat while he cradled me in his arms and settled me onto his lap. I remember feeling so safe there, I didn't care what it looked like, but it had been so long since someone had held me.

I don't remember how long we sat there, all I do remember was him singing softly, the vibrations of his voice ran from my temple all the way down…

How long had I been sitting in this closet? I needed to shake off these feelings he ignited in me. Before today I was able to explain them away or make excuses for my own behavior, but now being alone with my thoughts there was no way to hide that I had effectively led this man on and somewhere deep down inside, I liked it.

I felt guilty and dirty, I have a serious boyfriend and here I am romanticizing my voice teacher. Having sex dreams in his bed and nearly giving him a member massage with my thigh this morning. I am absolutely humiliated. I have to stop thinking about it before I go insane. I grab a pair of True Religion jeans off the rack and select a plain white V-neck t-shirt that could not be any softer and put them on. I choose a pair of rose gold low top converse, it just didn't feel right to get all dressed up, but when I looked at myself in the full length mirror it appeared that even with the plainest of selections good quality clothing makes a girl look real fancy whether she liked it or not.

I finally left the closet in search of a clock, I literally had no idea what time it was but according to my growling stomach it must be dinner time. The sun had not yet begun to set; my favorite part of summer was how pretty it looked outside around five o'clock onwards. Cotton candy clouds and an array of pink and purple skies, it was my absolute favorite. The view from my room was nothing short of spectacular; if I thought the grounds were impressive before this version of them had it all beat.

The knock on the door startled me more than it should have. I was in another world staring out the window. I called out for him to come in and so he did. He was always impeccably dressed, but tonight he had pulled out all the stops, making me feel very under dressed, "Is there a dress code I should know about?" I mildly joked, hoping to cut the tension a little bit. It seemed as though my outburst earlier had made him be extra cautious around me.

It appeared to work for the upper corner of his mouth on the side that was exposed curled up into the tiniest smirk, "No, you needn't change a thing; you look beautiful no matter what you wear." I could feel him really looking at me, and I wasn't too sure on how it made me feel.

I was beyond nervous, that was absolutely sure, and one of my many nervous habits is to start talking about anything and everything. Silence was not my friend, "Erik, I wanted to apologize for earlier, I don't really know what came over me-" He put his hand up for me to cease my rambling apology.

"We can discuss everything over dinner," he offered me his arm. "Come along you must be hungry." He was right, I was absolutely starving at this point. I took his arm and let him lead me out of my suite.

The rest of the house was as impressive, if not more than my room. I could imagine one could get lost in this place if one did not know the way. I began to wonder who exactly Erik Destler even was. No mere voice teacher who didn't charge could afford to live in a place like this. I recall him talking about the home and all the various tidbits and facts but I didn't retain any of it. I was much too busy being dumbfounded by what I was seeing to pay attention to anything he was talking about. We descended the grand staircase and into the massive foyer. He had indicated that to the right of the stairs was the entertainment room, the music room, the library and his office and that our destination was the left of the stairs that would be the dining room and kitchen. A pair of colossal wooden double doors opened to reveal the dining room. The room intimidated me with its size and grandeur. The table took up virtually no space, even for its size the room had been so large. Erik led us to the other side of the table where two places had been set at the head of the table and to its left. He pulled out my chair and pushed me in.

I watched him walk over to the wine cart that had a bottle of champagne chilling in an ice bucket. The sound of the cork popping startled me a bit, but I didn't think Erik noticed. He handed me my flute and took his place to my right.

"Now, you were saying something about an apology," he began and just as I was going to continue my rambling from upstairs he continued. "But, it is I who owe you an apology."

He said what now? "I should never have said what I said to you at our last voice lesson." I was completely shocked, he continued. "It wasn't appropriate to put you in that position and for that I apologize for making you uncomfortable." I was honestly stunned; this was not at all what I thought was going to happen.

"I was scared of what was happening to you. I know how disappointed you were after receiving rejection letters and losing your job. We had a great thing going and you were making tremendous progress but then you stopped being regular with our lessons, you withdrew from something I thought made you happy. And then to come to find out that you were still going through with your move to the city with or without school, well I became even more scared for you." It was hard to maintain eye contact with him, everything he was observing about me was true, I had been withdrawing from music, and I had reached a state of depression that even scared myself. I felt like I was caught doing a bad thing; luckily he had no idea how bad it had gotten with my selling drugs. He would be even more disappointed in me.

"It was hard to see you," I cleared my voice. "How could I continue to take from you when I wasn't proving myself? I didn't get into any schools and I felt, well I still feel like a total loser."

"Please don't talk about yourself that way, you have no idea how special you really are." There he goes again with being entirely too sweet; it made me question what this was all about.

We were interrupted by a petite woman pushing a cart of what I would assume to be food. The plates were covered by heavy metal covers like they have in movies. Erik said something to her in another language and based on her appearance it must have been an Asian language. But whatever he said to her she was gone and quickly as she came.

Erik stood to retrieve the plates, first he set mine down in front of me, lifting the cover to reveal one of my favorite comfort foods: chicken parmesan with spaghetti. He placed a bowl that held a gorgeous salad, he had mentioned that the vegetables were harvested in the gardens on the grounds. He went on to tell me about the agriculture work that was practiced in his gardens and how major food companies have taken these practices to grow food all over the world.

We ate in a comfortable silence with Erik only speaking here and there to ask me mundane questions about how I was enjoying my meal.

That same woman came back to clear our plates, I could sense her uneasiness being near Erik, not that I could blame her, after all he was highly intimidating and when he wanted to be could be as cold as ice. Our places were cleared and Erik stood to address me, "Come, we will have dessert out on the terrace," He pushed my chair out from the table and offered me his arm one again. My right hand held onto his bicep that was impressively pronounced, and my left hand carried the remainder of my champagne.

He led us out onto the terrace, through the massive French doors, the sun still hadn't set and if I thought it was beautiful before it was absolutely breathtaking now. We settled ourselves on the outdoor lounge furniture and Erik uncorked another bottle of champagne that had its own presentation out here. He refilled my glass and his own, it was so peaceful outside, I was glad he suggested coming out here. Erik came to sit beside me, he was at a comfortable distance and yet it felt entirely too intimate. He flipped a switch on the bottom of the table and then a small wall of fire emerged across the table. I had only seen something like that on an episode of Keeping Up with The Kardashian's, which made me laugh internally.

"I almost forgot," and suddenly he produced my cell phone and purse from seemingly nowhere, "You dropped this last night." He handed me my purse and I immediately rummaged through it to find my cell phone. I couldn't hide how eager I was to check the messages.

My heart sank as I saw the multitudes of text messages from Meg:

 _Where are you?_

 _Why aren't you answering your phone?_

 _I can't believe this is how you're choosing to be_

 _You really fucked up everything you know that right?_

 _I am so done with you_

 _Don't even bother showing up to my mother's home. You are no longer welcome._

 _I was going to tell you this in person, but since you can't bother to answer me I will just send you this:_

The picture under the text message felt like a knife going through my heart. It was taken last night, and it was Raoul and Carlotta in a passionate kiss while everyone who was at the party cheered and smiled. I felt like such a joke, I hadn't been gone for twenty-four hours and everyone had been ok with it. I was taken aback from Meg's text messages, you would have thought I was the worst friend on the face of the planet and this was just the final straw. I had never had an argument with her before last night. I guess it goes to show that people change and outgrow one another. I am sure she only offered to have me to stay with her because she felt bad for me and felt like she owed me for all the years of friendship. Her final texts read as the following:

 _I would feel sorry for you if you weren't such a bitch to the both of us._

 _At this point, there is no point for you to respond to any of these messages. You know where we stand._

I was surprisingly calm. I honestly felt indifferent, I wasn't going to cry over people who would throw me out like the trash after one disagreement. Clearly I meant nothing to these people and here was Erik, right or wrong, giving a fuck about me, the choice was obvious. You see, I had nowhere to go; he was my only friend in this world.

I started to laugh again, it was a tamer laugh than the one I had in the closet but it was filled with sarcasm that made Erik ask what the matter was. I handed him my phone so he could see what was so humorous, both my alleged friends and my life were a total joke. He handed me the phone back, shaking his head, "That was a terrible thing to do, Christine. I am very sorry."

"Don't be sorry," I said, maybe a bit too hostilely. "It's as if she was looking for a reason to end this friendship and she found one." I turned my head to look at all the pretty things that surrounded me, hoping they could somehow distract me from what was happening.

"And your young man?" I heard him say, he sounded almost nervously, not knowing how that question would affect me.

I threw my head back over my shoulder to look back at Erik, I looked at him and down at my hand where I still wore Raoul's promise ring. I looked back to Erik and then back down at the ring; promise ring was ironic because it was all lies. I slid the ring off my finger and threw it as hard as I could off the balcony, "Fuck him." Was my answer. Erik lifted his glass, "Fuck him." Was his response. I refilled my glass and met his.

I put my phone back into my purse, but not without checking to see if my stash was still in there. It had been in a separate zipped up compartment in my purse. Thankfully, from what I could see without being super obvious it was all there.

"I do not mean to keep bringing up un-pleasantries but there are things that I wish to discuss with you," I felt startled and put my purse to the side of me. Taking my glass back from the table, I nodded my head and continued drinking my glass. "I did however mean what I said to you the other day," I inwardly groaned; this probably wouldn't be the best time to bring up anything about being in love with me. "I want to propose the following; I want you to stay here with me in my home, I want you to enjoy your summer vacation; my home is fully equipped with everything you might need to actually relax. We will work on your voice weekly so we don't lose any stamina, but other than that you are free to do as you wish here. There is the swimming pool, you must have seen from your bedroom, I have a state of the art gym in the basement, a fully stocked library, an entertainment room with various streaming services." I began to laugh at his enthusiasm, I covered my mouth with my hand as not to offend, "Then in the Fall we will have you singing every day, I can hire acting coaches or dance instructors if you wish it, to come to the house-"

"Hold on a moment," I interrupted him, he was going entirely too fast and he was missing the entire point. "No school wanted me remember? Maybe I am not cut out to be performer. Have you ever considered your judgment to be skewed by your attraction to me?" When did I become so bold?

"Have you ever considered that college isn't the only way to be successful?" He mocked my tone. "What I am offering you would be more beneficial than a liberal arts school, I assure you. You do not need lessons in math or science, you need to be singing, dancing, working out, taking acting lessons, reading on subjects that pertain to your profession."

"If I am being completely honest, Christine, you not being accepted to into a University isn't because you lack talent. They don't know how to nurture special talent; they accept students who fit the mold of their idea of good. You wouldn't be challenged, and you would be wasting your time."

I considered his words carefully. He was essentially offering me everything, and all I had to do was say yes. What choice did I really have? I truly thought upon any time this man wasn't entirely kind to me. Even his harsh critiques came from a place of care and knowing I could do better. The only elephant in the room was the fact that we both knew that he was in love with me. And in that moment I had to consider how I felt toward him.

He had always been someone I could talk to; someone who I was comfortable with. The love I felt for him couldn't be denied, he had done so much for me and without even knowing it. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks when I thought about how he held me that night at the movies, how he comforted me after I saw Raoul kissing Carlotta the first time, and how much I wanted him this morning.

I had to think of something else, I had to say something to Erik; how long had we been sitting in silence? I looked out onto the grounds, the sun was just now disappearing behind the trees, "You mentioned the agriculture work your property provides. Is that what you do when you're not giving free voice lessons?"

He laughed at that, "It was my family's legacy, before they passed, I simply maintain it. There is an institute a few miles down the road, the students there not only deal with farming but they have an emphasis on culinary arts. My property is, as you can see very large, so their land stops just as that forest begins," He said pointing out the trees on the far side of the property.

"I can give you a tour, perhaps tomorrow, I will warn you now to wear comfortable shoes for it is a great deal of walking. You will enjoy the gardens, Christine. As well as the apple orchards, the vineyards and everything else we have to offer here."

"But to answer your question, as to what I do with my time when I am not giving _you_ voice lessons. I own an architectural firm, where I take on the role of head architect; that takes up most my time, having to come up with drawings and dealing with high profile people and companies." I watched him swirl his glass, holding the rim to his lips; I could feel the goose bumps rise on my arms. He smiled at me, leaning down to pick up the bottle to refill both of our glasses. It had finally occurred to me that I was finally feeling the effects of the alcohol. My cheeks were getting hot as I met his smile with my own.

"I sit on the boards for Lincoln Center as well as being their biggest donors, but what interests me the most is composing. Music has always been the most important thing in my life, Christine."

I couldn't help but to start laughing; he seemed genuinely surprised at my outburst, "And what pray tell is so funny?" I couldn't tell if he was annoyed or sincerely asking me why I was cackling like a witch.

"I'm sorry," I managed to say, while catching my breath. "You are just," I could barely get the words out. "I'm sorry," I said again this time I gripped at his wrist, squeezing it as I tried to calm myself down. "You are just so _fucking_ impressive. I mean, look at you, look at this house and your accomplishments. You could have any woman you wanted. Why on Earth would you ever want someone like me?"

He stiffened under my grasp, I felt his stare turn ice cold and my laughter ceased. He looked away from me, "I thought we weren't going to discuss that any further." He stood up and walked towards the railing. Leaning against the bar with his forearms, I knew then I had just made him feel extremely awkward.

I walked up beside him but he wouldn't acknowledge my presence, "I didn't mean to make light of your feelings." I offered but he still wouldn't budge. "It's just hard for me to believe that someone like you would be interested in someone like me."

"Do you think I want to be in love with an eighteen-year-old girl?" He finally said. His words were colder than ice and cut through me like a knife.

"I wish every day that my feelings weren't such, but unfortunately it's a reality that only I have to suffer with."

"Maybe if you explained why, I would understand."

"Absolutely not,"

"Why not? Don't I deserve the right to know how you feel about me? If I am being completely honest, I am not even entirely sure if your intentions are pure."

He finally faced me after my last remark, "What are you talking about?"

Talk about liquid confidence, "Well, if you had these feelings for me all this time, who's to say that I have any talent. Perhaps you merely used our lessons as an excuse to get close to me."

"Is that what you think?" I couldn't decipher his tone.

"Well, you haven't offered me any alternative. My only choice is to steer to the negative." I was proud of myself for standing up for myself, but I couldn't believe that I would even want to know the answer. Why was it so important? I think I convinced myself it was the only conscionable way for me to stay with him was to know exactly what was being expected of me.

He sighed heavily, and fully facing me he took my hands in his, but his eyes remained on our hands, "I have to admit, when Nadir spoke of you I was hesitant to help. You see, I never had taken on any students before, in fact, prior to meeting you Nadir was one of the only few people I chose to spend any time with personally." He looked up to meet my eyes. "Then he played me your recording. I listened to it over and over. Your voice is unlike anything I have ever heard, you lacked guidance and technique but the potential and your raw talent it shined through. You are an extremely polite young lady, you never once inquired or questioned my mask. You are a good girl like that." He smiled at me sadly, I couldn't help but feel tears building in my own eyes.

"To say I fell in love with your voice would be a colossal understatement, but it wasn't until I got to know you, your inner beauty, your sweetness, your sense of humor, all of the things that make you: you that I fell for you. So no, Christine, I wouldn't choose to spend my time mentoring you if I didn't think you were capable of greatness, despite my personal feelings, I believe that you will be a force to reckon with."

He seemed so genuine, it was almost uncomfortable to receive his praise and words of admiration. It was hard for me to believe, since no one else made me feel good about myself, his words were hard to hear. It felt like lies.

"I like how I feel when I am around you. If I had to say there was catch in you staying here it would be that I would get to see you whenever I liked. Your presence is calming to me, and if you permit me to help you, I believe we will both be happy."

"It would be enough for you to just have me around? You are simply going to set your feelings aside?" It didn't seem fair, I was going to live in this gorgeous house, reap the benefits of it all and what does he get? The privilege of spending time with me? I could feel my heart breaking for him, he didn't deserve to live like this, pining after some little nobody like me and I couldn't offer him anything. Well, I could, but did I want too?

"Am I bold in believing that you actually enjoy spending time with me too?" He countered.

"Not at all," I couldn't believe he would think that any and all time I had spent with him in the past was unenjoyable. Quite the contrary, we had a lot of fun once we broke down some walls and got to know one another. He actually became someone who I would call a friend. That was until all this mess started anyway.

"I guess I am just confused." I concluded. "You have been more of a friend to me than people who have been in my life since kindergarten. You have helped me in more ways than I can count, and I know I can count on you to be there for me. You have proved to me time and time again that I can trust you, but then it all changed." I could feel both of us simultaneously drop in our moods.

"I am not someone who enjoys conflict or addressing things. But I have done a lot of self-reflection and have come to the conclusion that I have been entirely selfish." I could see the confusion emerging in his eyes. "You have been nothing short of wonderful to me and I have taken advantage of that."

"Christine, this isn't an exchange. I haven't done anything that I didn't want to do."

"I understand that, but it doesn't change what happened the other day. I was living in ignorant bliss, going about my life only thinking of myself. I never once stopped to see what exactly you have done for me, it surpasses what a teacher does for their student. We are not just a teacher and a student and we haven't been for a long time."

Now it was my turn to face the railing and stare out into the night. Erik leaned out over the rail turning his head to watch my face. I could feel him looking at me but I dared not to make eye contact, "Can we change the subject?"

"We can do whatever you want, darling" he didn't touch me, but I felt his words wrap around me like a hug.

What seemed like forever, I finally turned back to him, "I don't want to call it a night just yet, but I think it's time to throw on some sweatpants or something," I laughed awkwardly. "Wearing jeans should be illegal at this time of night."

I got him to smile, and that smile, the one he gave me in our lessons when I would make him laugh with my shenanigans is the one that made me feel more for him than merely liking him as a person. I was sure to grab my bag before I left him standing there.

I grabbed the vape pen from my bag and began to preheat it as I made my way to my room. Upon entry to my suite I inhaled, and alarmingly I felt the effects almost immediately. My muscles relaxed and my anxiety faded away. I disposed of my jeans in favor of the softest jogger style sweat pant. I threw my hair into a high pony tail and took a good look at myself in the mirror. My eyes were only slightly glassy, but since we had been drinking it wasn't totally suspicious. I took another hit for good measure, and whatever strain of THC was in this thing was stronger than I was used too. One more hit and I would have been in bed, but I promised Erik I would come back.

I don't know why I believed him so blindly. I would have liked to tell myself that he was a manipulative sociopath and be done with it. I wanted to tell myself that I had no choice and maybe that was partly true; I wondered what would have happened if I simply refused his offer to house and help me. I would never know because that wasn't the choice I made. He made it all too easy to accept his offer, and he had made it all too enticing to fall in love with him. But I am getting ahead of myself.

When I returned to Erik, high as a kite and more comfortable than ever he rose from the bench he was sitting on to greet me. I didn't move from where I stood, and I could not stop smiling.

"Are you alright? Do you want to go inside?" He prodded.

I was still smiling like an idiot, "I want to stay."

"Alright then," He made his way to sit again and that is when I moved towards him.

You see, in the bedroom, it had finally dawned on me that I had a crush on him all along, I was just too young and stupid to acknowledge it. It was my eureka moment that was going to send me to my own personal hell. But in that moment I didn't know, how could I have known?

I was hovering just above him, my presence making him look up at me, "No, I mean, I want to stay here. With you."

Author's note: I am so sorry this took so long. I lost my mojo for a while there and I wasn't too sure where I wanted to go with this. I hope the length makes up for my absence. Please let me know how you're liking it!


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